There are many ways in which our lives evolve as we age that people have come to anticipate. Its like the timeline of our realities and mental space are laid out in front of us since the time we are very young. There is an expectation for a child to be inquisitive, teenagers to be open-minded and risk seeking, and young adults to gravitate toward the unfamiliar in the ultimate quest of finding themselves. Then once we’ve settled and cemented ourselves in the worldly position that we’ve chosen or was chosen for us the idea of adulthood creeps in and we’re conditioned to think that our responsibility is no longer about ourselves. And of course there is some truth to that, as children and spouses come into the picture. However, I think the biggest change as we age isn’t what we gain in terms of responsibility and relationships, it’s what we lose in regard to our drive to continually learn and grow through new experiences. In short, I think the single biggest shift as we age is a loss of curiosity. We fall into monotony, routine, and the safety of the recognizable. Suddenly its normal to spend every weekend in front of the TV or to only seek out friends you’ve known for years. No surprises-just predictable and comfortable enjoyment that seemingly keeps us connected and happy but I believe ultimately leads to compounded unrest, depression and unfulfillment down the road.
Curiosity is simply defined as the desire to learn. Many may come up with a variety of examples of ways in which they’re still seeking out new information. But what I’m talking about is the type of new information or experience that causes that euphoric surge of dopamine. That rush of excitement you get when you’re overwhelmed but engaged. The butterflies that flutter in your stomach when you’re thrown into something new and you can feel yourself changing as a human in those exact moments. Perhaps its traveling to a new country and being uncomfortably thrust into their culture and in awe of the beautiful ways in which they approach life differently than you do. Or when you meet someone new and you’re able to absorb their humanity and feel empowered by their vulnerability and knowledge. A curious mind is also behind those days that you take just for yourself to reflect and self-evaluate- as a way to recommit to your whole self and your fulfillment. No spouse, no significant other, just you. I believe curiosity is a key enabler of a person remaining their own individual even as they share every day intertwined with someone else.
So what’s the reality? I think we can all agree that our desire to seek out new experiences and new people drastically declines as we age. We are no longer motivated to meet new people because we already have strong friendships that we’ve spent most of our lives cultivating. I believe there is a distinct loss of appreciation for the unidentifiable human. Suddenly going to a bar doesn’t sound appealing because we associate that more with “partying” and less about meeting new people, something we see little value in. Spontaneity begins to die as we spend so much time in our own heads thinking of every practical detail that’s been reinforced throughout the duration of our lives. I think there is a tremendous amount of truth to the cliché of the middle-aged, narrow-minded, novelty-adverse human who rigidly adheres to their age-old routines and opinions. We lose our willingness to engage with complex, unfamiliar and challenging concepts or endeavors. The hardest part is that this all happens gradually and unknowingly, then suddenly you’re considered to be mid-life and you are forced to face the life you’ve chosen head-on and you think where did I go wrong? Or what have I missed? Or why am I so unfulfilled?
As I’m writing this I’m struggling with how my own life feels to have fallen short of those euphoric moments and that, pandemic or not, it’s my responsibility to change. I tell myself I exercise my curiosity muscle by reading and writing but sitting in the house and taking in other peoples ideas and experiences only takes you so far. After all, originality is noticeably scarce in our current world engulfed by social media and access to endless information on the internet. It’s easy to spend your day observing and reading about other people’s lives and you forget to live your own. You forget to contribute your unique perspective and mind to the world which is undoubtedly a tremendous loss for all of us. Each person I’ve met has something admirable and important to offer others and it’s a shame when they limit who they share that with.
I know not everyone is the same. I know there are some people that react differently to new situations and to being thrust into a room full of new people. And that’s fair. However, I think a lot of the way in which we view certain situations is a choice and most of the anxiety we feel lives primarily in the anticipation of the new, rather than during the engagement itself. I think the more people interact with new experiences and information the more attractive it becomes, making further exploration that much easier. The narrative we’ve written for ourselves creates a roadmap for each day and for each experience. But we can rewrite our story, we can literally change our minds and our perception of the world if we make a deliberate decision to do so. It may be over said and lost it’s flair but the reality is that you really do “only live once.” If we catch the ways in which we are losing our curiosity and replacing self-growth with safety and security, we can begin the process of changing course. I’m mostly writing this post for myself as a way to reaffirm what’s important to me and recommit to living a life I can feel proud of. But I’m also writing it for anyone else that may be in jeopardy of missing out on important moments and opportunities to learn and evolve. For anyone that may have had their curiosity overshadowed by compounding responsibilities or by the expectations set by society of how a 30 or 40 something year old is meant to live their life. The uncomfortable truth is that we must get uncomfortable to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. But the best part is that that’s something we all have in common. So as we seek out the new and engage with the unfamiliar, we’re all doing so together; yet another way in which seemingly different humans are actually very much the same.
Ideas in Prose 